Tuesday, March 1, 2011

If I Ruled the World



If I ruled the world:
Grocery stores would stock rice cakes with the rice and bread crumbs with the bread

If I ruled the world:
All gas tanks would be on the driver's side and all pump nozzles would have the 'hands free' feature

If I ruled the world:
Easter would be the same day every year and St. Patrick's Day would always be on a Saturday

If I ruled the world:
Fries would ALWAYS come with that

If I ruled the world:
Petting zoos would have real animals instead of lame-ass livestock

If I ruled the world:
You could buy beer after the 7th inning (and for less that $8)

If I ruled the world:
We would still be playing Jarts at picnics

If I ruled the world:
Kids would listen to their parents, and parents would listen to their kids

If I ruled the world:
Paying $10 for a movie ticket would guarantee a happy ending (and yes, I mean that kind of happy ending)

If I ruled the world:
English muffins would split evenly into two equal halves rather than one good side and one little deformed side


If I ruled the world:
Slot machines would still have handles that required pulling


If I ruled the world:
Stick butter would always be soft, spreadable, and fat free

If I ruled the world:
Pluto would still be a planet

If I ruled the world:
There would be no income tax - but - there would be a hefty outcome tax

If I ruled the world:
There would be no such thing as unseasonable weather. Spring would be warm, Summer hot, Fall cool, and Winter cold (oh yeah, and the names of seasons would be capitalized!)



If I ruled the world:
People who enjoy my blog would realize that my book is just as entertaining and go out and buy it


That's what I would do - now how about you? 


PS - I know I'll never actually rule the world, but  I DO rule this blog,  so I have removed the annoying "captcha" requirement, which means you are all free to post comments at will!

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8 comments:

  1. Crazy Life of a Writing MomMarch 1, 2011 at 7:55 AM

    The current english muffin situation is insanity. Do the creators want people to play "make a wish" like the muffin's a wish bone? That's what my kids do. Then the loser cries . . . I second your motion about muffins. No one likes to hear a crying kid!

    Oh and I do enjoy your blog so much that I did buy your book. I'm reading it now and am very impressed. My husband even wants to read it ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mike WoodMarch 1, 2011 at 8:29 AM

    Thanks Elisabeth! I'd appreciate hearing your thoughts when you're done - and can't wait to return the favor

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousMarch 1, 2011 at 9:12 AM

    If i ruled the world i would never let guys who like handles, melty butter & real animals & happy endings in the same place at the same time :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. MichelleMarch 1, 2011 at 10:06 AM

    Would you rename driveways and parkways??

    ReplyDelete
  5. DianaMarch 1, 2011 at 2:16 PM

    I nominate Mike Wood to rule the world? Any seconds?

    ReplyDelete
  6. KathleenMarch 1, 2011 at 2:26 PM

    Very Good
    I agree,especilly concerning the changing of seasons.
    I really love your blogs very interesting .

    ReplyDelete
  7. JodyMarch 1, 2011 at 6:20 PM

    If I ruled the world: I would make love a law.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Martin T. InghamMarch 2, 2011 at 6:37 PM

    Mike, When I rule the world, I'll be sure to appoint you as my "Muffin Czar," to put an end to all of this English muffin inequality around the globe. However, I'm not sure I'd invite you out to the theater.

    ReplyDelete

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