Saturday, February 2, 2013

'Snot My Problem

This month marks my fifth “Facebook Free in February” stunt, and so far, so good. While I have wanted to share with the world how much I like Jimmy Cliff’s new album, I’ve been able to content myself with simply playing it around others, which actually makes more sense. Problem is, most people are like, “Dude, it’s winter. What’s with the reggae?”
I’ve also been tempted to comment on the A-Rod/deer horn controversy, but instead have had to settle for listening to others do so on WFAN. And frankly, Ira from Staten Island is much more knowledgeable on the subject than I am.
The only real problem is birthdays. It’s just so much easier to post “Happy Birthday” on someone’s wall (after facebook reminds you, of course!)  rather than send an actual card or, god forbid, call them.  But I’ve made my list of worthy friends, and will make every effort to acknowledge their birthdays in some way. And if you didn’t make the list, or if I find myself busy that day, consider THIS my sincere “Happy Birthday!”

The one thing I really miss is the instant interaction. I can post a picture, pose a question, or make a statement, and get real-time feedback. And some of it is even helpful! For example, my wife and I have been struggling to teach our 3-year old son how to blow his nose, and we really could use some advice. He’s great at sniffing, but when it comes to blowing, he, well, blows!

He’s pretty good at sneezing, and wiping up the aftermath. And he’s a champ at coughing into his elbow. But he just can’t figure out how to use a tissue preventively. I’ll hold one over his face and tell him to pretend he’s blowing out birthday candles with his nose. He sniffs. I’ll gently pinch his nose with it and tell him to blow out. He sniffs. I stuff a sock in his mouth and tell him to breath out his nose, he sniffs. Then calls the police!
It’s crazy. The kid can figure out how to download games from the App Store, but he can’t blow his own nose.  And believe me, he’s had LOTS of opportunities. Being in daycare for the past three years, he’s had a perpetual runny nose. We’re talking a real Boogie Monster. He could single handedly (nosedly?) provide Nickelodeon with all the slime they need. His nose is snottier than a French waiter….

Okay, I’ll stop. I think you get the picture. So, my loyal 79 followers, will you provide the counsel I can no longer seek from my 379 “friends?” Do you have any suggestions for how one teaches a three year old to blow his nose? If so, please respond below (Get it?  Below? Blow? Ha, I kill me!) But DO please respond. I crave the interaction, and I really could use the advice. And I REALLY don’t want to turn to Pinterest!